A Little Marriage Mystery- Part 2

Valentine's Day has been and gone for another year. We have celebrated love and eaten a few extra chocolates. But what about the rest of the year? In my last post, I talked about how I was challenged this year to look at Valentine's Day as a celebration of marriage and ultimately marriage as a celebration of the relationship between Jesus and the church. It got me thinking... how does this relationship between Jesus and his church translate into the relationship between a husband and a wife? What is there to be learnt from Jesus and his bride that can be implemented into our marriages, even after the roses have wilted and the love-themed chocolates are on a half price discount at the local store?

In Ephesians 5:22-24, wives are told to submit to their husbands, as the church submits to Jesus. Often this type of submission feels like it is preached as a life sentence and in post-feminist culture submission is a weakness. This is so far from the beautiful, biblical view of submission. Biblical submission means, for us as wives to “recognize and honor the greater responsibility of your husband to supply your protection and sustenance; be disposed to yield to his authority in Christ and be inclined to follow his leadership” (Piper). It is a beautiful thing to come under the protection, spiritual leadership and nurturing love of our husbands.

In Ephesians 5:25, husbands too are instructed to love and treasure their wives, as Christ does the church. Husbands are to copy Christ’s example of love- sacrificial love. Jesus served his disciples by washing their feet, serving them and loving them so fiercely it took him to the cross. Likewise, husbands should treasure their wives with sacrificial love. When as women we are nurtured and loved in this way, submission becomes a desire and serving a joy. Sure, there are days when we are both feeling empty and it is hard to give, yet in relationship with Jesus and partnership together, we can reach the fullest measure of fulfilment and blessing as we experience exactly what marriage is meant to be. It is a daily choice- to love through sacrifice and submit through humbly living out the reality of the ultimate sacrificial love in our lives.   

This morning, so soon after Valentine's Day, I found myself arguing with my husband about clothes left on the floor. I ended up declaring that from now on, he could wash his own clothes. As I loaded the washing machine (with his clothes left out) I started bolstering my resolve- telling myself in self-righteousness that I was in the right- after all, it isn't like I enjoy doing the washing! But in the middle of this inner tirade, you know what happened? The Holy Spirit convicted me of my sin and made me question how I was showing love to my husband through this. How was I honouring him? How was I helping and supporting him? How was I respecting him as the church respects Christ? If I continued with my resolve, how would that impact our day, week, month and how easy would it be for bitterness to come storming in through our door and into our relationship? Oh the depth of his mercy and grace that we should be called children of God (even though we have these moments of irritation) and that when we confess our sins he is faithful and just and forgives. (I ended up sneaking back into the laundry and throwing his clothes into the load ;) )  

It is my prayer that God would grow me in this journey of being a wife and work through me by graciously allowing me to model godly submission to my daughter. It is my prayer that God will use me to empower my husband to be all that he can be as he leads our family in the ways of God. It is also my prayer that my husband will love me as Christ loves the church. I also pray that the Holy Spirit will continue to convict us both as individuals of sin in our lives, so that we can know the grace and forgiveness that flows from the cross. 

Extra Reading? Valentine's Day is for Getting Drunk, Jon Bloom, Desiring God Blog 

photo credit: via photopin (license)

A Little Marriage Mystery- Part 1

I can still see him approaching me- it was our study period and we were in the library. I was a 17-year-old girl and was known as one of the few Christians of our grade. With my head in a book, I was aiming to use the period to get as much accomplished as I could. I was slightly self-conscious and often seemed weighed down by the high expectations I placed on myself.

Who was he? He was an 18 year old, confident and easy-going lead singer of one of the bands in our local community. He was always ready with a joke and seemed to dance to his own song, not burdened by the opinions of others. His singer status had meant he had captured the eye of a few girls in our grade and I was not immune to his steel blue eyes, dimples and red hair. With the brief chats we had had, I knew that he was struggling with his faith, working out where God fitted in life and was trying to decide whether to pursue God wholeheartedly or not. He made me think. On his quest for desiring a genuine life, he drew me in. He made me start thinking about why I did things and encouraged me to not be hypocritical about my faith, but make it my own. 

This year, we celebrate nine years married and have been blessed with two children. Somedays those library chats seem a lifetime ago. We strive for God to be the centre of our marriage and our own lives as individuals, sometimes we get there. Sure, we have highs and lows but stopping to think of God's work through marriage is an important thing. God seems to craft love stories, just as we delight in them.

Ever wonder how our desire for romance and love translate into Biblical truth? Are these just fancies or is there something innate in our make up that cause us to crave being treasured and loved for who we are? We are now a few days away from Valentine’s Day- the celebration of all things love. What does it all really mean this love and how do we navigate these paths while desiring God and his glory above all else?

As Christians, when we celebrate romantic love, we should be celebrating marriage. As a symbol of Christ's relationship with the church, marriage points us to Jesus and his redeeming work on the cross. Ephesians 5:22-33 shows us that Paul understood that marriage is a symbol of Jesus' relationship with his bride- the church:

2 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.25 Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her,26 that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word,27 so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. 28 In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, 30 because we are members of his body. 31 “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.”32 This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church.33 However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.

In verse 32, Paul describes marriage as a 'mystery' that points to Jesus and the church.  As John Piper, in his sermon on marriage says, “Marriage is a mystery. There is more here than meets the eye. What is it? I think it's this: God didn't create the union of Christ and the church after the pattern of human marriage; just the reverse, he created human marriage on the pattern of Christ's relation to the church.” Just as the husband and wife become one flesh (Ephesians 5:31), faith too bonds Jesus Christ to the individual believer and church as a whole. 

As we gear up for celebrating love and love in our marriages, may we too take a moment to examine our relationships with our ultimate groom- Jesus Christ. Does we need some time out to enjoy Him? Do we need to withdraw to a quiet place to listen to Him? Do we need to take some time to celebrate Him and His ultimate sacrificial gift of love?

photo credit: F is for February - Week 6 via photopin (license)